Dear ones,
Welcome to Day 17.
Apologising like you deserve love is something I’ve written about here.
I once asked my mother to apologise to me.
She looked at me and said: I am not going to kneel on my knees for you.
This is when I realised that I had been raised by someone who equated apologies with losing dignity.
The funny thing is, over time, I’ve learned that accountability is a function of trust. When we understand that we matter, it doesn’t surprise us when our loved ones tell us how deeply we impact them — even negatively, even when we never intended to.
I believe that learning to apologise like we deserve love is one of the best skills we get to learn to transform conflict.
It’s almost easier to believe that we are a piece of shit and deserve nothing but punishment or exile when we’ve messed up. I believe it’s harder to stand tall in our dignity and say: I did that. It was shitty and I truly regret it.
There is nothing more vulnerable than apologising from a felt sense of dignity, from the memory that we are human, and that humanity can never be a liability. This is abolition work.
Abolishing this internal prison means being able to reach out when we’re scared that someone we love refuses to reach back. It is the risk of saying sorry. It is the risk of love.
By the way, if you’d like to go deeper into those topics, Liberation Practice Field cycle 3 is opening for paid subscribers. Secure your spot here:
