It was right after October 2023, and I was in yet another organizing space—one of many over the years where conflict seemed to rise and fall like clockwork. Tensions were high, we were all exhausted and angry, and as the energy in the room shifted, I saw the familiar patterns emerge. I noticed how we all fell into predictable roles: some became the Rebel, challenging everything, calling out the things that everyone could see but was often too scared to say. Others slipped into the role of the Peacemaker, trying to smooth things over and keep the peace at any cost. Some retreated into silence, becoming the Invisible One, avoiding the confrontation at all costs. A few leaned into humor to ease the tension, becoming the Comic, distracting the group with jokes and lightness. And there were those who took on the burden of others, acting as the Caretaker, trying to manage everyone’s needs while losing sight of their own.
I’d seen this before. Conflict would flare up, we’d all react based on our roles, and in the end, nothing would be resolved. The space felt stuck, like it was on the verge of something bigger but couldn’t move past the same cycle of unresolved tension. I started to wonder: Why do we keep getting stuck in those roles that we’re all frankly so tired of?
At first glance, these roles seemed to serve a purpose. After all, they had been shaped in our families as survival mechanisms. They helped us break out of toxic family dynamics, protecting us from harm, giving us a way to cope. But in the organizing spaces, these roles started to feel limiting, like a broken record, replaying the same conflicts, over and over again. We weren’t moving forward. We were stuck.
So how do we break the cycle?
How do we stop projecting our childhood scripts onto each other? How do we break free from the patterns we inherited from our families—those deep-seated survival strategies that shape the way we react to conflict today? How do we stop replaying the same cycles of tension, blame, and disconnection that hold us back in both personal relationships and organizing spaces?
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