A few weeks ago, I announced in my notes on Substack that I was working on an essay called LBE: Last Breakup Energy. This is the note:
The more I wrote, the more I realised this essay is not one essay. So in the next days and maybe weeks, I’ll send you a letter about what I called LBE that is in fact much bigger than LBE. It entails grief, tending to old wounds, reclaiming longing and fearing getting stuck there.
Thank you for reading!
Last Tuesday night, I did something I knew I would regret.
I looked my ex up.
This is not something I usually do. I am generally good at staying away from what has harmed me in ways my body still remembers. I haven’t looked them up, ever, in two years. But last night, around 11 p.m., I searched for their Instagram name on the web. And I found it.
