WE START TOMORROW on the new moon in Virgo!
(take the free quiz down below)
A few days ago, I argued to my friend that all chosen relationships should end with a breakup ‘interview’, the same way we have exit interviews for the shitty jobs we were so happy to fired from. Don’t you think?
Don’t you think it’s wild that we (sometimes) have this ritual to close an experience we were obliged to partake in, while we refuse (often) to properly close a relationship we chose to enter with a loved one?
Why?
It’s deeper than we think.
I have always hoped that if anything, any of my writing here convinces you that while insight creates awareness, and awareness highlights choice, it is practice that creates capacity. While change, liberation & transformation start with our intentions, only action and practice can make the worlds we long for real.
Conflict is the smallest unit of abolition.
I have seen this over and over, conflict is where we practice our values, instead of just talking about them.
While it’s really easy to love you when you’re funny, kind and in a good mood (you just had food!), it is much harder to love you when things between us become tricky and you hurt my feelings.
After years working with organizing spaces through conflict, I know it in every cell in my body: every difficult conversation is rehearsal for the world we’re trying to build.
If we can’t repair with one another, we’ll keep outsourcing repair to systems of punishment.
So I decided to create a course that would allow u(s) to practice becoming what I call “conflict secure”.
We often talk about secure attachment, but the truth is, being secure doesn’t mean we don’t go through rupture, quite the opposite.
It means we can move through rupture while still co-offering safety to one another other, standing in our dignity and belong to ourselves and one another.
I don’t know about you, but I never witnessed this kind of conflict in my household as a child.
And if we were taught how to poop on the potty, why aren’t we learning how to admit that we fucked up because we were scared? Why are we never taught how to say sorry to the people we most love and care about (including kids!)? Why can’t we disagree without burning each other alive?
This is the reason of not only this course, but my whole work.
I have been asking myselves why we burn each other alive too many times. Figuratively as well as literally.
I want to not only find answers to this question but, most importanty, practice differently… with you !
I have been meaning to use Substack as a place where we can practice together, and so today (or more accurately, tomorrow) is when we finally jump into practice together. Re-member: we are not what our values, we are what we practice more. And we’ve been collectively practicing judgement, punishment, exile, violence and shame.
This course is not a course correction to humanity as a whole. It is an attempt to correct my own, because I do this work for me. I am the one hurting and confused!
If you feel the same way, I’d love to practice alongside you and other cuties whose love language is abolition. We are much more than we think. You’re not alone.
Ok! Excitement!
We start tomorrow (September 10th) and we will start with the first week: Earth week, where we lay our foundations. For 28 days, we’ll practice together. Every day you’ll receive a short video, reflection questions, and/or a somatic practice to help you build the capacity to stay connected to yourself and others during conflict. You’ll also be able to meet me live every week so you can ask me questions and practice in community.
I want to be clear! This isn’t about becoming better at arguing. It’s about becoming someone whose nervous system no longer experiences conflict as a threat to survival.
If you’ve ever frozen, people-pleased, shut down, over-explained, disappeared, or exploded during conflict, I made this for you.
Get your jelly pens and cute notebooks! Permission to be gay in this course and spread the gay agenda beyond!
See you tomorrow for DAY 1 of the Conflict Breakthrough (Becoming Conflict Secure) Course.
Remember: conflict is relational, and so is healing. We’ll do this together!
If you’d like to start somewhere, start with finding out what your conflict archetype is. I created this quiz to have fun, but time and time again, folks report that this is right on point!
About the course
WE START TOMORROW on the new moon in Virgo!
The Conflict Breakthrough Course is a 28-day somatic journey to help you become what I call conflict secure.
Conflict secure doesn’t mean you stop experiencing conflict. It means conflict no longer threatens your sense of safety, belonging, or worth. Instead of freezing, people-pleasing, shutting down, over-explaining, disappearing, or exploding, you begin building the nervous system capacity to stay connected—to yourself and to others—even when things get hard.
Over four weeks, we’ll move through the four elements:
Earth — building safety and grounding in the body.
Water — understanding our need for belonging, emotions, and relational patterns.
Air — exploring the stories, beliefs, and communication patterns that shape conflict.
Fire — reclaiming dignity, accountability, courage, and transformation.
Each day you’ll receive a short video, reflection questions, somatic practices, meditations, writing exercises, and practical tools you can immediately bring into your relationships. Every week we’ll also meet live to practice together and answer your questions.
This course isn’t about becoming better at arguing.
It’s about becoming someone whose nervous system no longer experiences conflict as a threat to survival.
Because conflict is not a failure of relationship.
It’s where relationships—and the worlds we want to build—are practiced.
About Care
Hi, I’m Care.
I started Erotics of Liberation because I believe our movements are only as strong as our relationships.
If you’re convinced that conflict is the smallest unit of abolition, and that it’s going to be hard to abolish systems of domination if we can’t even have a difficult conversation about the pile of dishes in the sink, then I think you’ll get along with us.
By us, I mean cuties like you (and me) who are tired of merely reading about the world we long for. We want to practice it now. We want to french-press our values into our bodies until they become habit, so we can collectively inscribe abolition on the agenda of our futures and liberation on the map of our collective body.
Every week, I write about conflict, intimacy, abolition, grief, power, desire, accountability, and what it means to become more human together. My hope is that these words don’t just give you something to think about. I hope they slowly change the way your body meets the people you love.
Because abolition is relational practice.
My work lives at the intersection of Transformative Justice, somatics, and relational healing. I don’t believe we become different people because we know more. I believe we become different people because we practice differently, in our relationships with ourselves, others and the land.
Becoming Conflict Secure is one way we do that together.
And if you’re longing to go even deeper, every October I open the doors to Liberation Practice Field—my flagship course. It’s where you get to learn and practice the relational capacities that make domination obsolete: accountability, generative conflict, repair, intimacy, and staying connected through difference. In this course, you’ll have access to pre-recorded teachings as well as all the guest speakers who came before to teach ua bout liberation: Alexis Pauline Gumbs, Kai Cheng Thom, Richie Reseda, Ericka Hart and many more… We’ll also come together live very week, so we don’t just imagine another world—we rehearse it together.
If you want to be the first to know when registration opens, put your email here. We’ll make sure to let you know first.
Because words can only take us so far.
Eventually, we have to practice.
Stay ungovernable!
Care
So excited to start tomorrow 😊❤️💚💜