Hi dear one,
Welcome to Becoming Conflict Secure! I am so happy that we finally start this course all together.
I’m really happy you’re here. Thank you!
Today is the new moon in Virgo, and so happy new moon!
September is the month of corrective experiences. It is the month during which we do all the things we would have never done last year… last month… last week (?!), because, quite frankly, we’ve grown tired of our own shit. And what a better place to start than this one: exhausted of our own tricks to stay in the same cycles of self-sabotage and misery.
Virgo is a mutable, Earth sign ruled by Mercury. It is the sign of discernment, attention to details and precision. Virgo wants much better for you.
This energy notices the shift in the air, the silence between every word, and the underlying conflict that nobody else notices. Virgo is the sign of embodiment, because it is change (mutable) and earth (material). My chart ruler is in Virgo!
New moons are the perfect moment in the month to take a breath and ask:
what do I truly desire? Because the body learns on yes.
And like I said, September is the month of corrective experiences.
I believe we all desperately need corrective experiences around conflict. Only then, will we be able to imagine a world in which conflict doesn’t mean exile, abandonment or worse.
Corrective experiences need to be embodied ones. Ideas are never enough; if not embodied, they are just that: ideas in the ethers. We need to french-press the whole thing to the rest of the body.
I don’t know if you’ve ever gone through a generative conflict, but I know that once I experienced it, I wanted everyone to experience it, too. Because that’s what Toni Morrison said about the function of freedom, right? The function of freedom is to free somebody else.
If you’ve never experienced generative conflict, I want you to know that you’re not alone. And that you can rewrite this part of your story. But you simply cannot do this alone. Reading my shit is not enough!
Conflict needs to be treated like health should: a structural, complex and demanding subject that requires all of our efforts.
Because how can we practice abolition when our nervous system expect punishment and rejection the second disagreement enters the room?
So here we are. A course in which being human isn’t liability but a practice we all wish to be better at.
Welcome to Becoming Conflict Secure, or The Conflict Breakthrough Course!
This course is for all of us who want to become what I call conflict secure.
So… what does that even mean?
To be conflict secure means conflict no longer threatens your sense of belonging, worth, or safety.
It doesn’t mean you suddenly love conflict (congrats if you do, couldn’t be me).
It means you can stay present enough to choose curiosity over collapse, repair over retreat.
Let’s break this down: somatically, relationally and collectively.
A reminder that abolition is relational.
We need relationships that can hold the weight of abolition. If we want those systems of domination gone, then we need to stop outsourcing repair to those systems. In other words, we need to take care of each other.
So here we are. Thank you for being here!
THIS IS THE RHYTHM OF THE COURSE:
1. Earth – Safety & Somatic Grounding
Earth is about safety. It’s our foundation. This is where we connect to our body, our sensations, our breath, and the systems that keep us steady. When we are grounded in Earth, we can notice activation in the body without getting lost in it. Think of this as your personal armor for staying present in conflict.
2. Water – Belonging & Soul Connection
Water represents belonging. It’s relational and flowing. Here, we connect to our soul, our emotions, and our capacity to feel intimacy and attachment. Water reminds us that we are not meant to navigate conflict alone—we are part of a web of care. This element helps us open to vulnerability while maintaining our own boundaries.
3. Air – Connection & Psyche
Air is about connection and the mind. It speaks to our psyche, our thoughts, our patterns, and how we make sense of the world. Air helps us bring clarity to the tension, notice our habitual responses, and discover new ways to relate and respond in conflict. It’s the element of insight, reflection, and conscious choice.
4. Fire – Dignity & Spirit
Fire is our dignity, our drive, our courage. It connects us to our spirit and to the power of action. Fire reminds us that even in conflict, we can act from integrity, stand for what matters, and transform ruptures into creative, generative energy. It’s where repair meets courage and where accountability becomes a practice of care.
WHAT YOU’LL NEED
If you know my work, you know I love writing.
Writing is spell-casting! And we’re going to cast a lot of spells.
So grab:
a notebook you love
a pen that makes you feel like a witch in a café somewhere cute & gay
Reminder: YOU SIMPLY CAN’T DO THIS COURSE WRONG.
There is no right or wrong here (or in my work) ever.
Everything is practice of liberation.
Tell us in our chat: why you decided to join (with who if you brought a friend??!!!) And what it is that you struggle most with conflict.
Tomorrow, we’ll create our altar together to continue building our foundations.
About the course
The Conflict Breakthrough Course is a 28-day somatic journey to help you become what I call conflict secure.
Conflict secure doesn’t mean you stop experiencing conflict. It means conflict no longer threatens your sense of safety, belonging, or worth. Instead of freezing, people-pleasing, shutting down, over-explaining, disappearing, or exploding, you begin building the nervous system capacity to stay connected—to yourself and to others—even when things get hard.
Over four weeks, we’ll move through the four elements:
Earth — building safety and grounding in the body.
Water — understanding our need for belonging, emotions, and relational patterns.
Air — exploring the stories, beliefs, and communication patterns that shape conflict.
Fire — reclaiming dignity, accountability, courage, and transformation.
Each day you’ll receive a short video, reflection questions, somatic practices, meditations, writing exercises, and practical tools you can immediately bring into your relationships. Every week we’ll also meet live to practice together and answer your questions.
This course isn’t about becoming better at arguing.
It’s about becoming someone whose nervous system no longer experiences conflict as a threat to survival.
Because conflict is not a failure of relationship.
It’s where relationships—and the worlds we want to build—are practiced.
About Care
Hi, I’m Care.
I started Erotics of Liberation because I believe our movements are only as strong as our relationships.
If you’re convinced that conflict is the smallest unit of abolition, and that it’s going to be hard to abolish systems of domination if we can’t even have a difficult conversation about the pile of dishes in the sink, then I think you’ll get along with us.
By us, I mean cuties like you (and me) who are tired of merely reading about the world we long for. We want to practice it now. We want to french-press our values into our bodies until they become habit, so we can collectively inscribe abolition on the agenda of our futures and liberation on the map of our collective body.
Every week, I write about conflict, intimacy, abolition, grief, power, desire, accountability, and what it means to become more human together. My hope is that these words don’t just give you something to think about. I hope they slowly change the way your body meets the people you love.
Because abolition is relational practice.
My work lives at the intersection of Transformative Justice, somatics, and relational healing. I don’t believe we become different people because we know more. I believe we become different people because we practice differently, in our relationships with ourselves, others and the land.
Becoming Conflict Secure is one way we do that together.
And if you’re longing to go even deeper, every October I open the doors to Liberation Practice Field—my flagship course. It’s where you get to learn and practice the relational capacities that make domination obsolete: accountability, generative conflict, repair, intimacy, and staying connected through difference. In this course, you’ll have access to pre-recorded teachings as well as all the guest speakers who came before to teach ua bout liberation: Alexis Pauline Gumbs, Kai Cheng Thom, Richie Reseda, Ericka Hart and many more… We’ll also come together live very week, so we don’t just imagine another world—we rehearse it together.
If you want to be the first to know when registration opens, put your email here. We’ll make sure to let you know first.
Because words can only take us so far.
Eventually, we have to practice.
Stay ungovernable!
Care
I feel relatively conflict secure … until I think about all the little “low stakes” conflicts I allow to pass me by because it is easier than speaking up, or because the other person has demonstrated to me they don’t have the capacity (or desire) to meet me in the conflict… so I don’t trust them enough to try.
I am releasing the withdrawal and calling in reciprocity/interdependence.
This has come at such a profound time post a lot of conflict and a lot of change (been really ridiculously en sync with all the eclipse and planetary stuff 🫠)
Thank u so much your work really continues and evolves the thread of many liberation thinkers of precious generations in such a poignant, practical and powerful way! ❤️🔥 excited for this and to journey with other people and see everyone’s reflections 🌀