This column isn’t about giving answers. It’s about asking better questions.
You can write to me with whatever you’re circling: a conflict you can’t resolve (internal or external), a regret you can’t release, a pattern you keep repeating. I’ll work with what’s beneath the question—the nervous system, the history, the longing, the avoidance, the part of you that already knows something but hasn’t been given language yet.
I won’t tell you what to do. What I will do is help you find what’s true enough to act from, often drawing from my own heartbreak and longing.
Two disclaimers:
I’m a Sagittarius rising, which means I’m a straight talker. Some answers will be tender. Some will be unsettling. All of them will be written with care.
I write from care, not from an unlimited capacity to hold everything. Please keep your own agency in sight as you write and read. I’m here to ask better questions, not to decide life for you. You are the one doing this.
This column is…
reflective, relational, and somatically informed
grounded in accountability and abolitionist care
oriented toward agency rather than reassurance for reassurance’s sake
If you are interested and curious about feeling unsettled in a generative way, if you’re interested in agency more than you are in rescue, and if you can tolerate not getting a “clear answer”, this column is the place for you.
This column is not…
quick fixes
moral judgment
therapy or crisis support
advice about who’s right or wrong
a place for public shaming or surveillance
Send In a Question
What I love to answer most is the question you can’t stop thinking about—the one that keeps coming back to the shore of your skin. The question you keep avoiding. Those are usually the ones that matter.
A few things to know before you submit:
I may lightly edit questions for clarity or length, but I’ll keep the heart of what you’re asking intact.
Make sure to offer up a pseudonym, or indicate the name you’d like me to answer to as well as your pronouns.
Although I do read each one, I probably won’t be able to answer all of them. If I choose yours, I will answer with all the information and heart life allows me to access in this present moment.
If your question feels unfinished, uncomfortable, or hard to phrase, that’s usually a good sign! I’ll choose questions that feel alive—questions that hold tension, grief, nuance, and possibility.
My responses are grounded in somatics, relational accountability, and abolitionist care. They aren’t therapy, and they aren’t neutral. They’re written with the assumption that repair is possible—and that no one is beyond change, starting with you.