I live in a country that’s deeply avoidant—Germany. I’ve witnessed firsthand how this avoidance plays out, often leading to harm in the relationships around people (that includes refusal to face harm, grieve and continue the cycle of genocide, yes).
What’s striking to me is that when I take a closer look at their lives, it becomes clear that the first person they are avoiding is themselves. Their own decisions, their own agency, their own truth, the consequences of their actions, non actions. In other words, their agency, their sovereignty, the full spectrum of their dignity (accountability is linked to dignity, yes !). When we measure our worth solely by our ability to dominate others, we reduce our entire experience of self to one narrow dimension: height—up and down, hierarchy, vertical thinking. Somatically, this means our sense of self becomes limited to a constant striving to rise or avoid falling. In this frame, we lose the ability to experience the full width of our lives, the richness of our emotions, and the expansive beauty of the world around us.
We all know this: when we avoid something, it's often because we feel deeply anxious about our inner world. It’s uncomfortable to confront ourselves, so when we’re faced with an external force—like a person who fully feels and expresses their emotions—they become an embodied activation. A danger we need to escape from at all costs.
Don’t get me wrong, we all have our own ways of avoiding. In a world built on terror and trauma, avoidance becomes a necessary coping mechanism. It can literally save our lives. But unchecked, avoidance can shift from a survival strategy to an addictive pattern that excuses everything—and robs us of true healing.
Therapists often notice patterns in the struggles people bring to their sessions. Call it collective consciousness (if you want tap into your woo-woo), or the structural consequences of living under systems of domination and exploitation (if you want to tap into your political bag, those 2 things are one and the same).
Since 2016, I’ve seen so many people bringing up boundaries as a major issue—while politically, the world was watching a man advocate for building a literal wall. This is not a coincidence. It’s connected.
Here’s the truth: unless you’re in imminent danger, avoidance is not a boundary. Avoiding a problem, a person, or an uncomfortable conversation isn’t a sustainable solution. Boundaries are intentional, assertive, and rooted in care—they are not passive or reactive.
If you’ve been avoiding conflict in your life, or find yourself consistently running away from uncomfortable conversations, know this: It’s a learned response that’s kept you safe for a long time. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. It’s time to reclaim your agency, your truth, and your power.
In my upcoming workshop, I’m diving deep into the tools, frameworks, and somatic practices that will help you face conflict head-on, set true boundaries, and re-engage with your own emotional world. You’ll learn how to show up authentically, navigate difficult conversations, and build relationships rooted in care and respect.
If you’re ready to step into a space of true liberation, sign up now. Your journey to reclaiming your voice and agency begins here.